lifegoeson

well what can i say...

ive gone from extreme happy to exttreme sadness and back again and now i feel nothing and have done all weekend.

i think its worse...depression isn't good but a least its feeling.

there is just no pleaasing some people.

xx

well my friend died of a heart attack yesterday at just 17. life just isn't fair. i feel soo quilty wanting to die when people around me who have so much to live for are dying.

i don't feel any right now.

the purpose of life is to die.

if you take your own life to you still fulfill your purpose?

or does it mean you never fulfill your destiny?

well i had counselling today and it made me feel rubbish but i guess its helping in the long run..ijust hope its not cross country i want it to be oversoon and i hate running.

x

I WANT TO DIE AND I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I HATE LIFE, I HATE ME AND I HATE EVERYONE AROUND ME.

FOR FUCKS SAKE.

the happiness has gone. gone somewhere far away and i don't see how im ever going to get ut back its that far away. who knows maybe ill get lucky and die in the night but i don't think the world likes me that much to allow that to happen. i hate my life so much i wish i could just leave this world forever.

Another good day in the world of me. i had a fairly acceptable day at work after an amazing night out with the girls. very tired but well worth it. maybe its the amount of alcohol still in my system but life is going ok.

back in hertford with family and actually enjoying life. blogging really works.

xx

well my day was actually quite acceptable. but then certain people weren't at worl haha

definintly fighting a fear tonight...im off clubbing in a city. im scared to death of clubbing so if im going to beat why not start off in a big busy city....hmmm

nothing really special to report today...i guess thats a good thing.

xx

Well today we had a reloution...after speaking to a pardre for over an hour i realised that people would care if i wasn't here and even though i don't feel like it now, i do have a resaon to be on this planet and no matter what ifi wasn't here nobody could take my place and fulfill my destinity...my place in my world would be incomplete.

someone actually stood up for me at work today so it made me reliase that the person who keeps picking on me has a problem but the problem isn't me.

i feel quite acceptable today.

well i missed yesterday. i spent the evening with a scriipture reader....like a vicar but not qualified. she prayed with me and we spoke about the meaning of life, and how maybe the voices in my head are thedevil distracting me from my life and keeping me away from god. she reayy helped me and talking to her made me feel much better,

and then today happened.

why do people always feel that they are entitled to make fun of me and belittle me in front of others. i got shouted at for doing something i was allowed to do. will i ever do the right thing. will the world ever get off my back and just let me be...i doubt it very much because im just not that lucky.

owell i only have to live aslong as i wont to.

xx

Do you ever feel like your head is like really heavy, like your getting ahead ache but it never come? thats how it feels all the time like i have something on my mind and it won't go away, liek something is trapped inside of me...why won't it go away...how do i get rid of it?

im back on camp now and that scared feeling in the pit of my my stomach is back. am i tough enough for military life or am i going to be scared forever, scared of what each day will bring.

Will i be this way forever?

xx